Le fromage et le vin rouge - a match made in gourmet heaven

Xmas review 2008 or 'Can women get gout?'

To say its been an eventful year would be an understatement. And no I'm not talking 2008 here, I am in fact referring to this year, 2009, of which feels like 12 months have been and gone in a matter of weeks and I have to say, has left Team Loser (of which I am captain) feeling a little worse for wear.

A bountiful and boozy Christmas with Aged P, Auntie Lenny and Uncle Hu came and went in a whirlwind of gluttony and hardened arteries, followed by the immense carnage to my liver more affectionally known as New Year's Eve.

With friends joining us from as far afield as Los Angeles, Ewelme, Bournemouth and the ding, we closed the shutters, set the log burner ablaze, decanted the red wine and settled down for a delicious (cooked by yours truly) 6 course meal. Well, it was supposed to be 6 courses, but due to my excitement about how exciting new years eve was going to be, I spent new years eve eve having a jolly old time with some rather fine labels and choreographing tag team rave manouvers with my good pal, Disco Dave. Needless to say I was feeling pretty rough the next day and had to be scraped off the sofa and steered round the supermarket by the ever efficient and practical Kelly, whose Dauphinoise potatoes saved the day and complimented the Confit de Canard perfectly. Poor girl even ended up having to prepare her own main course (unlike the rest of us Henry VIII gorge-athoners who'd rip the hind legs off a deer if we were hungry enough) she is a vegetarian. I'd shamefully forgotton what to prepare for her and of course feeling like your head has been trampled by a stampede of wild elephants coupled with the irrational fear that everyone hates you, left me feeling everso slightly useless. I recall glancing into the fridge and bringing out that age old carnivourious chef's solution to vegetarian cooking...and turning to Kelly sheepishly (geddit) enquired "if Goats cheese would be ok?"

With a sprinkling of veggie magic, the goats cheese appeared alongside caramelised onions and wrapped in filo pastry. Kelly seemed pleased with her creation and I was left off the hook and free to concentrate on not throwing up on the starter.

After lashings of shampoo and a revival of that 80s classic cocktail Bucks Fizz, we were good to go with the (homemade) french onion soup, courtesy of that infamous french culinary wizard...um...ahem...Madame Delia Smith (fantastic recipe) http://www.deliasmithonline.com

To really get the party started (whoop whoop) this was followed by a huge plate of langoustines and oysters, providing Roy with the perfect opportunity to try out his Christmas present from yours truly - an oyster knife! Generous to a fault 'tis true my friends. I even got it in the bargain bucket section, but of course I wrapped it. I'm not that bloody heartless.

Merriment followed through to the next course of duck, and of course goats cheese, and followed by the glutton fest commonly known as the assiette de fromage. Not forgetting the best course of all; the "I'm so wankered I'll try anything in the spirits cabinet" course, working your way down alphabetically...Armagnac, Ameretto, Baileys, Cointreau...you get the picture.

Dessert was supposed to be Cognac infused chocolate mousse, but I couldn't get my head round the whole mousse thing so opted simply for some bars of dark chocolate and well, some Cognac. See what I did there? Clever.

I can't really tell you much more about the rest of the evening although I do recall trying every French TV station looking for the Big Ben chimes (how arrogrant can you be?), although why the hell they didn't have it is a mystery to me...I mean its a new year tradition for christ's sake! Followed by a 'pub quiz' on CD with, get this, real pub sound effects (think clinking glasses and muffled voices, rather than vomiting teenagers and dirty old buggers) which I embarrassingly remember getting rather competitive about and openly insulting my oponents with some real corker fighting talk, including "nah nah nah nah na...you are thick as f*ck!"

Ah well it's not new year eve's without waking up the next morning with your head down the toilet and cringing at what a complete knob you can be sometimes.

New years resolution no.1: drink less (the same as every year since 1993)