Wednesday, 24 December 2008



MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL....ENJOY THE GIANT BINGE AND MAKE EVERY MINCE PIE COUNT!

(I've been having a few warm-up sessions with my bezzy mate..Monsieur Vin Rouge...here he is above after another long night round the fire).

Monday, 15 December 2008

Monday, 8 December 2008

Back to Blighty

After a quick hop, skip and a leap of faith (I hate flying) across the channel we arrived back to Le Sauvage reasonably exhausted from our week in England. The problem is that I'm now firmly ingrained in this wonderful culture of doing very little and well, quite frankly, its really diffcult to do more than one thing in a day, and hold a conversation with more than one person. If I see a person pass by the front door here I'd think we were being invaded by aliens. It really is that quiet. SSSHHHHH....I can hear myself breathing. Therefore, as you can imagine, I found driving up the M25 and navigating my way around the 'ding everso slightly stressful. And it wasn't even rush hour! I also noticed it was about 10 degrees colder, with an artic breeze (more like a cyclone) and a tinsy bit on the grey side. Roy even thought he saw a 'For Sale' sign through the airplane window...25% off Britain all this week! What a joker, eh?

Now I'm not getting all anti-UK on you. I promise not to be one of those irritating people who flee the UK for a 'happier' life abroad, (from my last post we know this doesn't seem to be the case), and then spend the whole time slating Britain while sipping gin and tonic by the pool in Fuengirola, getting fat and getting pissed(sounds alright). I LOVE Britain. I still believe that the English countryside is beautiful, varied and unlike any other in the world, and there is nothing like a summer's time in Blighty; drinking pints in a pub garden with your best mates is one of life's little, but bloody fantastic pleasures.

We had a marvellous trip and thank you to Jill and Ron for being so hospitable and for putting up with us for so long. Also for Rafferty's first ever pair of real shoes! Now he's got something to really support him when he's kicking the kitchen cupboards in!

Rafferty was also extremely chuffed to see Auntie Lenny. His favourite Auntie of all time! The fact that she is his only Auntie has nothing to do with it of course. I mean he's only 16 months how the hell does he know. Obviously Auntie Lenny is much nicer and kinder than Mummy as he seems to have forgotten my name and now referes to me as 'Nenny' (naisal pronounciation). Gee thanks Raffers, only 8 hours of excruitating pain bringing you into the world only to be replaced by your Auntie who never tells you off. Kids are so fickle.

Also managed to get in a few shopping trips. Primark is awesome, I just wish I could forget about the sweat shops. Everytime I'm in there pouring over how many tops I can buy for 20 quid I keep getting images of little Indian children sewing up the seams. Damn Damn Damn. I really want to be an ethical shopper. Why does it cost so bloody much?

Roy and I even went on a 'date.' I use the term 'date' very loosely, if only to signify that we went out of the house alone, without Raffers. OOOOhhhhh. I know, exciting isn't it. Yes, me and Roy went on a romantic date to... the....cinema! There was no smooching in the back row though, well there was in my dreams but that was with Daniel Craig. Hot or what! Great film...not sure what happened, and my only real criticism would be that Daniel had his clothes on for far too much of the film. And I agree with Aged P who quite rightly said, in his infinite wisdom, that there "wasn't enough sex."

To round off the week and in true Winehouse style (but without the crack of course), I got bladdered with my best friend and watched endless episodes of Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor. She had SKY-plus-ed them. Now that's what I call proper friendship.

This then 'inspired' us to participate in a little reality TV of our own. Next time you're perusing the internet and stumble upon utube you might discover my own personal rendition of Marvin Gaye's classic 'Sexual Healing'. Contemporary mind, none of this classical ballet rubbish. No no, this is pure bump and grind R Kelly circa 1996. Let me tell you, I may be a mum of one staring down the gun barrel of time at my 30th Birthday, but I've still got it! CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE. Kelly - delete that video IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

Shopping for cheap tat, binge drinking, reality TV, and making a tit of yourself....ah there's no place like home!

Saturday, 6 December 2008


Lance Armstrong better watch his back. There's a new cyclist in town and he's a demon on the road!

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Happy Ever After

I've been a right little bi-lingual social guru since my last post, and if any of you have been waiting for an update (thanks Kel xx), apologies for the late response. It would appear that I seem to have become rather good at doing very little. Indeed, so much so that I just don't know where the days are going? "In a haze of red wine!", I hear some of you cynical doubters cry. Not true I can assure you. I've actually been rather busy talking. Quelle surprise!

My recent forays into the local ex-pat and French communities have left me with all sorts of Carrie Bradshaw-esque questions about life and relationships, albeit of the non-sexual variety, that I could head up my latest post with. And although I might be sitting here casually typing into my laptop with my NGBF (no not New Gay Best Friend, rather New Glass-Best Friend) next to me, I tell you now I'm certainly not sitting here in Agent Provocateur knickers and Jimmy Choos. I mean do you know how bleeding cold these Farmhouses can get? I'm more a hoodie and jeans type of gal. This aint no city after all folks, and well urrrhhh...there isn't really an enormous amount of sex (before any of you get too excited). I prefer to think of it as more of a"Booze in the Country" type setting. Nevertheless, like dear old Cazza, I've been spending the last week or so drinking coffee (and some wine, naturally) with numerous ladies discovering how le vie Francais has been treating them.

Interestingly, I've been lead to believe that the so-called "good life" en France tends to end in divorce. Another good reason not to be married then! I'll be sure to scribble that on a post-it and stick on the fridge before bed.

It would appear that selling up in the UK and moving over here without the stress of long working days, rush hour traffic, and not enough quality time with the family, was actually the key to keeping couples married in the first place. Now with time on their hands it seems a great many would rather call it a day, having realised that life was infact better when they didn't see each other as much. To the point where divorce is a more endearing prospect.

The thing is I can totally see where they're coming from. I've been keeping myself very busy what with mother and toddler groups, coffee mornings, French lessons and of course being a domestic goddess(!). Roy has been busy getting on with whatever he does on that laptop all day long (I jest of course, it's something to do with networks, I think) meaning that post dinner we have quality time to spend together, catching up on our respective days, sharing our hopes and dreams for the future and planning our lives together. Except of course I tend to fall asleep on the sofa around 9pm due to a serious lack of reality TV programmes in my mother tongue for me to gorge over, and maybe because that deadly combination of log fire, blanky on the sofa and a smooth glass of red leaves me feeling, rather, yawwwnnn..., sleepy. Who said romance was deadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

p.s. Coming up in the next mind numbing blog-isode of "My Little Life" - discover how I get on at the French mother's circle. Does Rafferty deck petite Margot? Do I manage to (accidentally) insult any of the mums? And why does the whole room suddenly go deathly silent when you finally pluck up the courage to parle en Francais. The words "tumble" and "weed" spring to mind!

Sunday, 9 November 2008



Deserted chateau, not far from us.

Haunted with a sinister past. Naturally.

Waters edge, Ruffec

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Better late than never...

...or so you'd think.

Roy eventually arrived at Le Sauvage on Thursday evening after clocking up a mere 6,800 mile journey from Brazil with the help of 2 planes, 2 hire cars, 1 train and a taxi. Due to arrive into Poitiers Gare at 6pm, he could only get the later TGV tain from Charles de Galle airport making his actual e.t.a 9:40pm. Well what's nearly 4 hours when you've been waiting 3 weeks!

The disappointment however, and the test of my patience to the extreme (clock watching etc.) led me to a minor meltdown, leaving me unable to make the treacherous (that's what I told him anyway) journey to Poitiers to collect him. Suggesting (or rather ordering) him to get a taxi to Ruffec (there was no way the driver would have found the house) was not the ideal scenario for our intrepid explorer laden with bags, a broken one at that, and heavy with gifts for his beloved family (the sob story certainly wasn't spared), but as a true soldier he agreed and promised to ring me once he knew the cost of the journey.

"50 euros" he said, "not bad is it?"

Bargain I thought, suddenly relieving me of any guilt.

So I settled down to watch the rest of my dvd, a cup of chocolat chaud and the warmth of the blanket. Well, I had a hour to kill.

Ring ring...20 minutes later. "Babe, I must be nearly here."

"Don't talk daft, how can you be?" I retorted (so polite).

"Well it says 35euros already on the meter, so I only have 15euros to go. Must be round the corner. Make sure you're there to meet me. I only have 35euros."

"Ok ok I'll leave right now."

Mad rush ensues. Get Raffers out of bed, wrapped up in blankets and bundled into car. Right, phone, check. House keys, check. Turn off lights, check. Open gates, check. Ah bugger...money!

Rush back into house. Best take a load of cash, just in case...you never know what might happen (ever the cautious type). So I grabbed a load of crisp notes, hidden under the mattress for safe keeping wink wink, always one step ahead of the game! And off we went into the freezing dead of night, the little Corsa trundling along the country lanes with Raffers sucking his dummy furiously wondering what the hell was going on!

Arriving at Ruffec station was like something out of a French film noir. The streets were deathly still; a light fog enveloping the few deserted cars parked nearby. Suddenly, Roy appears, the light on the taxi shining like a beacon through the darkness. It was like we were part of a secret rendezvous, members of the French Resistance, or simply star crossed lovers.

The taxi door opened and there stood Roy in all his glory. We embraced, visibly relieved he'd made it here in one piece (and that I didn't have to drive!). I spoke briefly to the driver to show Roy how far I'd come in a mere 3 weeks and asked how much I owed him, knowing full well that I would be able to translate 50euros. He muttered something which sounded far too long to mean 50. "Pardon monsieur.." and he pointed to the meter. I gasped.

148.75 !!!

Ummmm Roy? Roy, who by now had hurriedly stuffed his bags into my car and was playing with Raffers, look up bemused as if he hadn't even been in the cab in the first place. "Huh?" he said.

"Thought you said it was going to be 50euros?" I replied, through gritted teeth, feeling sick to the pit of my stomach.

Looking dumbfounded, Roy sheepishly handed me 35euros, leaving me to delve deep into my pockets to retrieve the enormous sum of money.

Luckily for the driver, I had exactly the right amount on me. Unluckily for me, I had to politely hand over the cash and pretend it wasn't a big deal.

Well of course it wasn't really. I mean, what's 150euros when I have a lovely boyfriend back safe and well, and we're going back to our gorgeous home together to play with our beautiful baby.

2 days later, I'm lying in bed at 5am unable to sleep.

150 f**king euros!!!

I still feel sick.
Lavoirs in Ruffec - 15 mins down the road

Wednesday, 5 November 2008



Wow! Impressive pumpkin, I know.

Here I am putting the house-wives of Main Street to shame.

"I'm like a pitbull in wellies!"

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Pain aux raisins, vin rouge and tantrums...

....but not in that particular order.
Please God HELP ME! I can't stop eating French pastries. Honestly I'm even fantasising about them. Waking at 5am and languishing (alone...yes still...) in my king size bed, tossing and turning from side to side with thoughts of light, flaky pastry with gooey, syrupy custard fillings and raisins all stuffed into my mouth...chopping, mmmm...chewing...yummm...slurping, even. Oh and chocolate chips. Don't want the humble chocolat chip(!) to feel left out.
It's all Aged P's fault of course. After tomorrow when he departs for Angletterre I (hopefully) won't be letting another delicious pastry touch my lips. There is no way Roy (who arrives Thursday) will allow any of these bad boys to slip into the weekly shopping trolley, so unless I take up an elicit affair with a tray of pain au chocolat (stuffing them seductively down my trousaurs for safe keeping..now there's a thought!), I'll hopefully still be a size 10 before the six months are up. Hopefully... ;o)
Another, rather surprising, turn up for the books is that I've seemed to developed a small liking for red wine. Astonishing I know and also rather handy being in the land of the grape and all. However, before I admit defeat and sign up for AA I've realised why bored housewife's (or husbands...not one to be sexist) enjoy the odd Gin or two around 5pm before their beloved returns from a hard day at the office. I'll tell you why. Because looking after a 15 month old little boy day in and day out with no break or help is BLOODY HARD WORK! I recalled (at 5am this morning, my 'hour' for peace and solitude to ponder life's conundrum's) having said to my dear friend Kelly a few months ago.."I'm really enjoying this stage, now that Raffers is a bit older, he can say things and communicate with me. I'm really enjoying it."
Mmmmm..indeed he can communicate and say things effectively. He can communicate through the art form of the 'punch' or the more moderate form of the 'hit'. His ability to throw things is coming along nicely, ditto smashing and breaking things. But the piece de resistence is the tantrum. This truly takes some skill and natural ability, to which, luckily, my son is a dab hand. A proud mother I am at his eagerness to demonstrate such a talent, especially in the supermarket, or when putting him in the buggy, or the car seat (a particular favourite of mine). The reverse banana is a tough move to master.
Joking aside, I know it won't last forever and it's not as if it's ALL the time. Only usually when surrounded by gentle, sweet French children (who I swear to God don't have tantrums) and their parents are looking at me with pity and probably wondering how I manage to make it through the day sober! Well, what can I say, like mother like son. I don't remember being 15 months old, but I remember screaming and crying and taking all my clothes off in a black cab on our way to see Father Christmas at Hamleys in London. My sister and dear mother looking on astonished and visibly traumatised. Well, I was hot!
Anyway, I'm sure Raffers will be different. And if not there's always Super Nanny!

Tuesday, 28 October 2008



Can't catch me!


This beach aint big enough for the both of us!

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside...

Oh I do like to be beside the sea! Returned from a long weekend in Brittany avec Aged P and Oliver T. Beautiful. A wind that rips through your lungs and makes your ears ache - but seriously I absolutely loved it! Although the weather is far warmer/sunnier down here, I have made up my mind that I really want to live beside the seaside. We've only been here a week and a half and already I'm planning our next move. Typical. I've got ants in my pants and they need a good scratching!
Had a lovely afternoon with a French family (friends of Aged P's) - warm and hospitable. Luckily for Raffers there was the grand-daughter (aged 2) for him to play with; sweet, gentile, playing contently with her a la carte kitchen (retro reference to all your kids of the 80s "wake up daddy, breakfast ready"). Unluckily for her, Raffers grabbed her dolly and when she went to get it back he nearly decked her! Christ. Ever wish the ground would swallow you up? Everyone was very sweet and chuckled away; "Ah les enfants!" Ah bleeding 'ell - I thought.
Not the only faux pas of the trip I hasten to add. Yours truly had a small accident with a glass of red wine on Aged P's...ready for it...new..., cream..., carpet. GULP! According to him I went completely white. And you wonder why? No matter, it only took me 2 days (!) to get rid of the stain. That stain is still plaguing me this very second....(told him it looked much better - which it does of course ;o) )
Today we went to the market at Lezay. Good selection of Andy Capp headgear, grandad slippers, comfortable bras for Jordan, and new-age clothes that smell of incense. Needless to say I didn't buy any garments...(except ALL your Christmas presents ha ha ha!) . Fantastic selection of fruit and veg, and amazing sausages (goat, duck etc.), goat cheeses, terrific fruits de mer and oysters....mounds and mounds of oysters! There's A LOT of sweet la moo being made across Deux Sevres this evening, I can tell you! No wonder they have shutters on the windows.
Loaded with our purchases we zoomed down to Alison's for lunch. Aged P had offered his "green gym" services (aka chopping trees) and as I was dropping him off, Raffers and I managed to mustle in on what was a superb home cooked lunch of courgette soup, moules mariniere, and a fine selection of cheeses, washed down with a delicate bottle of white...or two. Delicious. Raffers and I then wasted a few hours picking walnuts and chatting happily (me because of the wine, Raffers because he is 1 1/2 ) to their collection of animals - sheep, chickens, a horse and 2 cats. A true Dr. Dolittle moment...as I was really, doing, very little.
Arrived home with a bundle of eggs, walnuts, and some fantastic duck fat. A marvellous day all round.

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Between Dad and I, we managed to break Raffer's french lingo cherry yesterday. He now has "beurre" and "bouche" to add to his English vocabulary of ball, book, look, milk, go go, mummy, daddy and Lenny. He's also discovered how to say "more" which is slowly preceding everything he says...more ball....more book....more milk...you get the picture. It's like living with Oliver Twist.

Monday, 20 October 2008

Aged P finds no difficulty in settling in to a new way of life.
(Not really that new to be fair)
Rafferty's new friend and our neighbour - Monsieur L'ane.
Le Ruisseau Perdu. We're here!

All loaded up and ready to rock!
Yes the Tesco bag follows me everywhere.
Cambridge Street, the 'ding.

Au revoir Oxford Road. Bienvenue Le Sauvage!

After a rather stressful few days in the 'ding, Raffers and I finally made it to our new home in the tiny hamlet of Le Sauvage. With Aged P (Mike) in tow, we arrived (a bit frazzled) on Saturday afternoon at Le Ruisseau Perdu (The Lost Brook).
Waiting for us at the house was the owner, Alison, with a basket of fresh organically grown fruit and veg from her garden, eggs from her chickens, and delicious walnuts...you guessed it - from her own walnut trees! Felicity Kendell eat your heart out! Mmmmm I can see myself doing this I thought. Perhaps more Ma Larkin than Kendell.
As Aged P and I surveyed our new surroundings, it was hard not to feel ever so slightly overwhelmed with joy considering where I had become accustomed to living these last 6 months. Cambridge Street, affectionately known as the Polish Quarter (to make it sound remotely exotic if nothing else), will always have a place in my heart. Rows of terrace houses, no parking, shopping trolleys lying haphazedly in the road, mattresses outside front doors, litter, beer cans, and lets not forget the piece de resistence, the local working girls using our drive-way as a knocking shop. Oh yes, its truly wonderful to wake up on a Sunday morning to find used condoms lying beneath your car. How disappointing to be making sweet la moo over a 1.2 Corsa. I'm more of a BMW girl myself. Mind you at least they are being responsible!
No chance of this in Le Sauvage however. Only glorious sunshine, honey coloured stoned farmhouses, the donkey in the neighbouring field, and sheer, unadulterated, silence.
I wonder how long it will take until I get bored...??? I know you are all thinking it ;o)