Toddler Hell

I'm living in Hell-On-Sea. Drowning in a current of screaming, demanding, head-butting and slapping. Jesus Christ, if I knew motherhood was going to be this taxing I would definitely have used protection! ;o)

Here is a typical day. Awake (9am-ish).
9.15am: SCREAM...MILK!....SCREAM....MILK!.....(slap to my leg because I didn't serve it in the right cup. Change cup)......SCREAM (I changed cups, what was I thinking?).....SCREAM.....(Put cup down on table and try to remain calm).....SCREAM...(doesn't want cup on table inside, wants cup on table outside...of course, how stupid of me not to know this!)....SCREAM...TOAST!....repeat procedure until breakfast is out of the way.

Break for 5. In the meantime I make various trips to the loo to contemplate flushing myself down it.

Repeat procedure throughout the day based around various themes, usually - food/drink; thomas the tank engine; getting dressed; bob the builder; dummy; getting in the car; going for a walk; changing nappies.....the list goes on.

Today I will be mostly practicising deep breathing techniques which I've found on an anger management website, crying into numerous cups of coffee, torturing myself with guilt everytime he does something sweet, and fantastising about having a job and watching English telly.